This week grandma and grandpa are visiting. This means that mom is running around town with her grandparents having fun while she’s going to day camp.
Needless to say, she’s been wanting to come home early– or not stay at day camp at all. On Tuesday she was upset and on the verge of tears, so she didn’t stay at all. Instead, we included her in the plans so that we went to see the Smurf movie instead of an adult flick. We also allowed her to order a cupcake at lunch and had a festive day. Then on Wednesday she asked that I pick her up during nap time, midday. I said I would, so I did.
Today, Thursday, she was upset again. She mentioned that she could use a special day today too, but compromised with another promise that I’d pick her up during nap time instead.
Like my mom, you may be thinking that my daughter has me wrapped around her finger or like I’m worrying over nothing, that she’s fine. Like grandma, you may see that mom is being manipulated, as my daughter stands by the fencing to wave goodbye, dropping, melting my heart.
However, I’m a Soul-Keeper™. I’m interested in the well-being of my daughter, emotionally, mentally and physically. I’m concerned with being a confidant, someone my daughter can entrust her secrets, problems, worries and sadness to. I’m focused on making sure that she grows up thinking that her feelings, opinions and experiences matter.
One key difference between a Soul-Keeper™ and a parent who is not is that the Soul-Keeper™ is a conscious parent and they take the child into account as a whole person.
Now let’s look through her eyes: my daughter does not know what we did Monday, but she’s heard us talk and she’s sensed that we are having fun (most children are intuitive or observant). Like any normal person, she wants to be included. There is nothing manipulative about that and she’s not feeling as though she has me wrapped around her finger. On the contrary, she’s feeling like she’s not being given the option to have fun and be included. She is reaching out to me and letting me know (as best she can) that she wants to be with me, with us. She wants to be a part of the tribe. Sure she has friends and teachers that she likes at school, but it’s not the same as the tribe, the inner circle. Grandma lives far away, so her visit automatically creates a special and exciting time.
As parents we hold one of life’s greatest responsibilities. Raising a child can be a rewarding and wonderful thing or it can be filled with frustration and confrontation. Children can be manipulative and they become experts at pushing their parents buttons– it’s true. The difference between parenting experiences tends to come down to this: parents who are Soul-Keepers™ and act as confidants have a different relationship with their children than those who offer no understanding and even expect their children to understand their problems and help them out. Soul-Keepers™ know that there are plenty of challenges to growing up, event to being a baby, and they recognize that, as the mature adult, it is they who can accommodate and provide understanding.
People are people, no matter the age. At different ages our experiences may vary, but being human always requires feeling loved, cared for and as though you matter enough to be included. Always think of your children this way. They are small people who don’t have as much experience or logic working for them as you do (as an adult). Therefore, it is they who require extra care, love and adoration.
Soul-Keepers™ raise authentic, whole children who become caring, compassionate and mature adults. Such adults have great lives ahead of them… just because they were included and picked up early, even when it’s inconvenient for mom.
Kalyn B Raphael is the Co-Founder of the Golden Flow™ System, is a Coach of Coaches, a Channel, Author, and a Spiritual Life Coach specializing in spirituality and parenting. She dedicates herself to helping others live in the flow of well-being by living their authenticity. Learn about Kalyn’s coaching at http://coachmaven.com or subscribe to her women’s newsletter at http://golden-flow-system.com/joynews
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